Strangers

“Wanna know how I knew you were a girl?” the woman drawled, taking a long drag from her cigarette. “I had a dream. I was walking through the desert when I saw this gleam in the sand. I bent down, and you know what I found? A gold ruby ring. That’s when I knew. I didn’t need the docs to tell me, I knew it in my gut.” She gestured to her diaphragm, her breath suspended in warm gossamer puffs.

Ruby. My birthstone. “Pretty weird, huh?” She asked as she ground out her cigarette with a worn canvas shoe. I shrugged. I had never really bought into any of that new age crap. It wasn’t that I was a skeptic, just a realist. This was probably why I didn’t have too many friends. People often found me to be somewhat detached and cold.

At an uncle’s funeral the year before, I hadn’t shed a single tear. No matter how deep I dug, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Did this make me a bad person? Surrounded by the people who loved him, I could only think “I’m glad the bastard is dead.” I looked at his peaceful face, thin from the cancer, and felt nothing. I dabbed at my eyes so that others would not see that I was not sad. But all I could think of was his lecherous eyes running the length of my body in its bathing suit the day I came over to swim in my cousin’s new pool.

Thick chunks of rock salt crunched beneath our feet as we walked. The air was cold and crisp, searing my nostrils with every intake of breath.

“So how is your father these days?” the woman asked, hugging her coat closer for warmth. “Is he happy?” She paused. “Are you?”

I wasn’t sure about the answers to her questions, so I just gave her the ones I thought she wanted. This seemed to make her feel better. She lit another cigarette, cupping the end with her hand to block it from the wind. The light danced across her face.

“Those things will kill you, you know. You really should quit.” I shoved my hands deep into my pockets. It was getting colder now that the sun had set.

She laughed. It was rich and throaty. “Well, gotta die somehow. Might as well choose how it ends!” I shook my head. Our visit would soon be over, this chapter of my life closed.

“Why did you give me up?” I asked. “Why didn’t you try to stay and fight for me?” The words tumbled out of my mouth like the loose pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. “I thought you and dad were in love. Why didn’t you try to make it work, instead of giving me away?”

She turned away. Her voice wavered when she finally spoke. “There’s nothing to tell. It wasn’t meant to be. End of story.” She wiped tears away with a gloved hand. Although I couldn’t see her face, I imagined the tears leaving tiny trails of steam in their wake. I looked down at my feet, studying the dark scuff marks on the toes of my shoes.

“I’m leaving for college tomorrow. So, I guess this is goodbye.” I turned to leave. She grabbed me, hugging me fiercely to her chest.

“I am so sorry.” She whispered, gripping me like a life preserver thrown out to sea. I did not return her embrace. My hands stayed at my sides. We stood like this for a long time. And somehow, even though the same blood pumped through our veins, we were total strangers.